SCTV Review: Two-Way TV (3-17) / Alpha Channel (3-18)

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RATINGS SYSTEM:
***** - Classic
**** - Great
*** - Good/Average
** - Meh
* - Awful

“Two-Way TV” (season 3, episode 17, originally aired Jan. 9, 1981)

SUNRISE SEMESTER: ASTROLOGY

  • Angus Crock (Dave Thomas) uses the “Wheel of Fortune” to give lucky horoscopes, which all tend to revolve around money matters.

  • Kind of an odd use of the Sunrise Semester format, though there are some laughs from Crock’s general crotchetiness and the names he gives the different signs (“the wee hat”, “the wee building”. “V.D.”)

***

PROMO: MONSTER CHILLER HORROR THEATRE

  • Count Floyd (Joe Flaherty) promotes this week’s horror classic…Georgy Girl.

  • Not quite as strong as the other promo (The Odd Couple), but Floyd’s reaction to the piece of the set falling and him just walking off at the end was funny.

***

KANADIAN KORNER (#23)

  • Bob (Rick Moranis) and Doug (Dave Thomas) discuss “the best groups”, and Doug shows his imitation of two dogs fighting.

  • Again, it looks like Moranis and Thomas are goading each other in character at the beginning; the actual “best groups” part is a bit of a lull, but then Doug’s imitations pick this up again.

  • This week’s crawl concerns the Canadian Identity Crisis Centre being flooded with calls from people who claim to have played hockey with Bob and Doug.

***

SCTV NEWS

  • Earl Camembert (Eugene Levy) reports from a pitbull fighting ring outside of Fayetteville, Arkansas, but blows his cover as soon as the dogs fight; David Brinkley (Rick Moranis) complains about his barber.

  • Looks like the same picture of Orson Welles that they used for last week’s Big Brother sketches.

  • Earl’s “disguise” is hilariously bad, and his reaction to the fight is quite funny.

  • This sketch reminds me a bit of the SCTV News from the previous season where he gets assaulted by prison inmates; the sexual assault isn’t downplayed here (at one point, one of the spectators tells Earl to “squeal like a pig”).

  • The Comment section with Brinkley was great, as was Floyd Robertson’s final remark (after a gunshot is heard going off).

****

PROMO: CRUISIN’ GOURMET

  • The Cruisin’ Gourmet (Dave Thomas) shows how to stuff a turkey.

  • Dave Thomas writes in SCTV: Behind the Scenes that this sketch, which he wrote after being “appalled” by the Al Pacino movie Cruising, “was probably the most violent and despicable thing that’s ever been on the air” and was surprised this actually did end up in the final show. Is it offensive? Probably. It’s also a pretty damn funny sketch; a tight promo with Thomas doing a Pacino impression (the “check if the bird is dead” part alone is hilarious).

  • This was removed from the “Best of the Early Years” DVD release, though it appears it was more due to music licensing issues than content. When a portion of the sketch appears in the CCCP1 episode, the clips of “Disco Strangler” by The Eagles were replaced; the full sketch has a bit more dialogue that plays over the music (including the And Justice For All reference), and would have necessitated re-recording.

*****

TWO-WAY TV

  • Tom Kessler (Rick Moranis) shows the latest technological breakthrough, where viewers can use their TV to pay bills, visit the doctor, and choose what airs.

  • Another prescient Rick Moranis piece, especially now in the age of the internet, smart appliances and video chat. Moranis is pretty funny in this, especially his growing frustration that the audience clearly isn’t voting for his preferred selection (“The Happy Hooker Goes To Hollywood”)

  • Funny ending with Moranis and the Happy Hooker crashing an episode of Leave It To Beaver, the doctor (Dave Thomas) following (“I’ll give you ‘D’!”), followed by Moranis and the Happy Hooker ending up on Farm Report.

****

BILL NEEDLE’S MAILBAG (#7)

  • Bill Needle (Dave Thomas) deals with his show being cut to 15 seconds.

  • Good continuation of the series, with Bill now having to talk faster just to get through his show.

***

PROMO: CRAZY CRAFTS

  • Molly Earl’s (Robin Duke) guest is artist Ben LaBerriere (Tony Rosato).

  • The only Crazy Crafts to be done as a promo; Rosato’s character and the way he seemed to becoming the costume was amusing, particularly him sleeping on the table at the end.

***

SERMONETTE: RABBI KARLOV

  • Rabbi Karlov (Rick Moranis) digresses while discussing conflict in the Middle East.

  • Decent, though not as funny as the Words to Live By sketch with Angus Crock; they reuse the payot coming off with the glasses and “Temple B’Nai Hill” jokes, but while the Rabbi’s pointless stories are amusing, I prefer when he has someone to interact with.

***

Final thoughts: What would be a decent if unremarkable show gets a boost from its middle segments, including a strong SCTV News featuring a bonus Comment with David Brinkley, and the infamous Cruisin’ Gourmet.

MVP:

  • Rick Moranis

Rhodes version differences:

  • Removed: Cruisin’ Gourmet promo, Bill Needle’s Mailbag 7

Allarcom version differences (show #67C):

  • Removed: Monster Chiller Horror Theatre (moved to 3-21/71C)

  • Added: Taxi Driver promo (from 3-11)

Blair version differences (show #97A):

  • Removed: Bill Needle’s Mailbag 7, Crazy Crafts promo

  • Added: new promo for The Bowery Boys In The Band (Robert Corness v/o)

DVD version differences:

  • Removed: Cruisin’ Gourmet promo

  • Added: Tex & Edna Boil’s Organ Emporium (from 3-6)

Additional screen captures from this episode are available here.

“Alpha Channel” (season 3, episode 18, originally aired Jan. 16, 1981)

GORDON LIGHTFOOT SINGS EVERY SONG EVER WRITTEN

  • A 379 record set featuring Gordon Lightfoot (voice of Rick Moranis) interpreting “Happy Birthday To You”, “Good King Wenceslas” and many, many others.

  • Another killer musical impression from Moranis; I also love how they capture the warm 70’s Lightfoot folk-rock instrumental style with the bass.

  • This appears to be directly inspired by a real commercial for a K-Tel compilation of Lightfoot’s earlier material for United Artists.

****

COOKING WITH MARCELLO

  • Via satellite from the Vatican, Marcello (Tony Rosato) waits to meet the Pope in the Papal recreation room.

  • Kind of an odd sketch, and a bit all over the place. Marcello’s a bit too much of a boob for my tastes, although I will say that the woman attacking him violently after he pinches her butt worked because of how much bigger her response was played.

  • Robin Duke gets an amusing scene as a souvenir-selling nun from whom Marcello buys a (badly-doctored) photo of the Pope rollerskating.

  • The end with Thomas and Moranis as terrorist priests kidnapping the Pope was really out of left field. Interestingly, this aired about four months before there was a real assassination attempt on the Pope.

** 1/2

KANADIAN KORNER (#18)

  • Bob (Rick Moranis) complains about the NHL expansion and Monday Night Football; Doug (Dave Thomas) decides not to be in this week’s show because he wasn’t given the topic in advance.

  • The first sketch from the third taping session, with Moranis and Thomas playing around a bit. The whole bit with Doug “leaving” was pretty funny.

  • This week’s crawl is about CBC planning Monday Night Hockey with Bob and Doug as play-by-play announcers.

*** 1/2

CRAZY CRAFTS

  • A hungover Molly Earl (Robin Duke) introduces her “boyfriend” (Dick Blassuci) and tries to figure out what she made last night.

  • The final Crazy Crafts sketch, and also the best, as Duke focuses more on filling out Molly Earl’s character. Dick Blasucci steals the sketch from her just by sitting there and looking uncomfortable.

  • I love the announcer just saying that Molly’s guest was “some guy she picked up in a bar who says his name is Bob.”

****

MESSAGE FROM GUY: ALPHA CHANNEL

  • Guy Caballero (Joe Flaherty) reiterates that he uses the wheelchair for respect and introduces Caballero Satellite Systems’ new pay-TV channel.

  • Another loose and funny Caballero intro, with some good ad-libs by Joe Flaherty (love the “Alpha Channel. Not to be confused with Alpha-Bits, which is a dog food or soup or something” line).

***

PROMO: ALPHA CHANNEL

  • Alpha Channel is the only place to find movies while they’re being made.

  • A little overlong, but the impressions are pretty funny, including Moranis’ Woody Allen lapsing into a monologue and Joe Flaherty’s Alan Alda threatening to crush a “punk” co-star during a meeting with his agent (also Moranis).

  • The same property that was used as the William E. Douglas estate in the Money Talks sketch earlier this season is reused again for the Marsha Mason and Neil Simon scene; I’m guessing it belonged to a higher-up at ITV, possibly even Dr. Charles Allard himself.

  • The “descrambler” is the same prop used as the Two-Way TV data bank.

***

BILL NEEDLE’S MAILBAG (#8)

  • Bill Needle (Dave Thomas) expresses his frustration at his show being cut down to 7 and a half seconds.

  • Not much else to it other than the description, although I did like the announcer’s sarcastic “Way to go, Bill” at the end.

***

DIALING FOR DOLLARS

  • Walter Cronkite (Dave Thomas) gets a threatening call from a viewer (voice of Rick Moranis).

  • Moranis has another strong voiceover-only role tonight as the maniac, who is more than a little irked that the wall flat behind Cronkite reads “$Dialing For Dollar$” and coerces the former newsman into playing The Ben Hogan Story every night, putting the receiver on his head, and removing his clothes. Thomas’ reactions are great as well.

****

Final thoughts: Another pretty decent show; the better moments come from the shorter recurring sketches (Cooking With Marcello doesn’t quite land). Dave Thomas in particular has a very good night..

MVP:

  • Dave Thomas

Rhodes version differences:

  • Removed: Crazy Crafts, Bill Needle’s Mailbag 8

  • Added: Got A Minute (3-16)

Allarcom version differences (show #68C):

  • Removed: Gordon Lightfoot Sings Every Song Ever Written (moved to 3-8/58C)

  • Added: Logos Galore (from 3-24)

Blair version differences (show #32A):

  • Removed: Kanadian Korner 18, Bill Needle’s Mailbag 8

  • Added: Comment (from 3-9), new promo for Mel’s Rock Pile 20th Anniversary (Robert Corness v/o)

Additional screen captures from this episode are available here.