Nine Snowboots
Sweater weather
I'm at the library. The sun is out, but it's no longer warm enough to justify a T-shirt and shorts. I'm reluctant to wear the shorts anyway as my waist size is a little smaller than it was when I first bought them. I think I overestimated my girth at the time. The process of clothes shopping has never been my favorite and I end up relying on gifted shirts and pants. It's probably about time to get some new clothes either way. Nothing really seems to fit anymore.
It's still hard to write about feelings
I relate so much to this comic that Kelly posted a few days ago. I relate to a lot of her work, but that one really depicts so many of my current struggles.
First week
I'm back among the ranks of the employed. It's another temp gig, but I'm glad to be earning money again instead of trying to make ends meet on EI (It's not fun).
Rut
I'm in a little bit of a rut. Unemployment will do that to you, even when you're trying to keep busy with job applications and a weekly writing project, but the things that make for good stories are come second to making sure the rent and bills are paid, and there are only so many things you can do to spice up the job hunt process.
Nighttime
It’s the middle of the night. I look through my idle Facebook conversations, trying to decide if it’s worth sending a message this late. I still haven’t fully embraced that feature, ever since it switched from an internal e-mail system to a real-time chat engine; unless I’m comfortable enough to drop random Simpsons references into conversation or just randomly send YouTube links, I tend to fret over my choice of words and hang nervously waiting for the response. It’s worse when it’s someone with whom I have an easier real-world rapport than normal.
I usually don’t bother, though. I assume you’re asleep anyway.
Still processing, still grieving
In the wake of the Orlando shooting, I'm reminded just how thankful I am for the lifeline that is the Internet and social media; seeing my friends express their personal feelings over the matter rather than reverting to some ready-made impersonal #prayfororlando. I'm grateful for the rage of the activist communities fighting back against attempts to downplay the queer and racial identities of those slaughtered, and denouncing those that express false solidarity and cynically use the LGBT community as a cudgel against Muslims and immigrants.
I'm still processing this tragedy. I suspect I will be for a long time.
Horrifying reality
I'm still a bit numb and sad about the senseless shooting at a gay nightclub in Orlando. I'm angry too, but mostly at Donald Trump, who wasted no time in gloating about how this incident somehow justifies his racism.
I'm not surprised he did that.
I'm not surprised yet another mass shooting happened either.
Late May
It's one of those days where the light and atmosphere shifts from hour to hour, warm sun briefly giving way to dark clouds and the slight chill in the air that portends rain, especially when combined with humidity. A pregnancy of sorts. The sun's back, but from the window in the Hydrostone Starbucks, it looks like there's a slight breeze. I love the quick moments when a cloud passes by the sun on otherwise clear days, creating brief shifts in the light and a quick reprieve from the intense brightness. Bright sun is overrated anyway.
Writing the same things over and over again
I tell myself I need to update this blog more often than I do.
Side gig
I'm currently looking for work, so the photography thing hasn't been a big priority for the past few weeks. I haven't really felt motivated to write either, although sometimes I get the urge in the middle of the night, which I usually try to extinguish because my sleeping patterns are messed up enough as it is. Pay-what-you-can photo shoots are still on the table indefinitely, but it's definitely a side-gig for me at best; to be honest, even that doesn't seem like much of a priority compared to finding full-time employment.
Surrender
I'm usually not that comfortable around people until I know them well enough. I love good conversation, but I have to be past that awkward get-to-know-you stage in order for my guard to fall; unless I'm completely relaxed around a person and completely familiar with their energy, face-to-face conversation is a stilted chore.
Some changes
When I first moved my blogs over to Squarespace about two years ago, my plan was to make an all-in-one website for my writing, photography and various blogs. I've been blogging in some shape or form for about 15 years now; the novelty of having some corner of the internet to spout opinions or share whatever details of your life you're willing to divulge isn't quite was it was then, but I've always admired the craft and candor that blogging allows for, especially in this age of clickbait and instant gratification social media posts.