Human variations

I've been a little more cavalier about adding people on Facebook lately; sometimes I go through spurts where I browse the “people you may know” list for new connections. I usually add if they’re someone I’m connected to on another platform, if they have a fair bit of visibility in certain communities (particularly writing, drag, activism and performance), or if they have the combination of enough mutuals and information to get a decent enough read of the human being behind the account.

Some things about people speak louder to me than others, and if I see evidence of them on their profile, it makes me more interested in reaching out. Sometimes it's aesthetic, sometimes it's shared interests, and sometimes it's just a frankness about who they are and where they fit in the world, but as much as certain traits grab me more than others, the people I've connected with on social media over the last decade or so have introduced me to a lot of concepts and issues, or at least a lot of really cool music, movies, TV and books.

Funny thing is, I’m just content to let them fill my timeline with their stuff, react if it strikes me, and hope they’re seeing mine, as opposed to taking a more active approach to connection. For the most part, I’ve stopped with wishing every single person a happy birthday just because the Facebook reminder nags me about, though there are several people who warrant their own greeting regardless. I tried doing the time-limitation thing earlier in the year, but there are enough people who I mainly connect with through there for it to really work out. It’s also something to look at on slow days at work.

As much as it’s become background noise, it’s also a way to discover myself. In a way it always was, even though Zuckerberg’s real intentions for the site are nowhere near as therapeutic as this (or as altruistic as he claims). It was a way to connect with other queer folk back when I was just starting to come out of the closet, and it’s still the way to explore the many possible variations of humanity; witnessing people living their lives and discovering shared experiences has been a big help in not feeling alone, and finding the language to articulate my feelings and needs.

I’m not overly concerned with the actual number of friends and followers on my social media feed, partially because that’s an unnecessary source of stress. There are a few people who I’m considerably closer to than others (and am more likely to feel comfortable direct messaging them), and I’m probably not going to want to stay connected to someone who regularly posts hateful bullshit (racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, etc), but for the most part, I’m always going to want to share small parts of myself, and hope that someone else understands them.