Relax
/I’m getting a little restless with the website lately, especially since I’m currently taking a break from the SNL reviews on the other blog and haven’t started a new project there yet. I want to post more regularly, so going forward I’m going to try to have a new entry in the personal blog ready to publish each Wednesday. Whether this will hold remains to be seen, but I hope this serves as a bit of a kick in the pants to take the time to write.
I’ve been finding it difficult to relax when I get home from work. By the time I’m back at my place, I usually want to lay down, but there’s always the risk that I’ll fall asleep for a few hours and not make dinner until late in the evening. The season change and the shorter days are both getting to me, and on occasion my mood crashes to the point where I can’t bring myself to put something light on TV/Netflix to watch; I just want to sleep and get to the next day of my routine. Maybe this all has to do with whatever seems to be affecting my liver (I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning), but I’m not ruling out that it’s my brain back to its old habits again.
I wonder if part of it is because I’m still not used to working a job where I don’t have to constantly prove I’m busy. I worry people think I’m slacking off, or that I’m weird for not interacting with other people enough in my downtime. The running commentary in my brain gets louder when I don’t have something on the go or music playing in my headphones, and sometimes it makes it hard to take those steps. I love music but if my brain puts me in a certain mood, something inside me just can’t take the step to lose myself in it. The same goes for any type of variation in the routine.
That said, I decided to stay out on Friday evening. I ended up getting a snack at the Glitter Bean, dinner at Turkish Delight, and went to Charlie’s and Menz for a little bit. I liked seeing some people I hadn’t run into in a little while, but I’m still recovering financially from my vacation and a few dentist bills not covered by my insurance, so I can’t really just “go out” for a little while. Small talk never really was my thing, but I just don’t seem to have much to talk about these days either. I didn’t go to my parents’ place in New Brunswick for the long weekend and ended up sleeping most of Saturday and Monday, but I did manage to get out to vote in the advance polls.
Maybe that’s another thing that’s causing me not to be able to relax. This election cycle has me worried about the possibility that Canada’s going to get a regressive federal government that will run roughshod over my rights as a queer person, as well as those for anyone who isn’t wealthy, white or male. I’d like to have hope that the millennial voting bloc will turn out for the progressives, but four years ago we didn’t expect to have fascism make the comeback it has. The news from the States also seems to taunt me with the latest so-called bombshells about blatantly obvious corruption and ineptitude, which would be funnier if innocent peoples’ lives and freedom weren’t in the hands of a vindictive asshole.
I don’t want this to become a political blog, though. Regardless of who’s in power, my energy is still low but I’m not rested. Strange dreams with recurring themes don’t help matters either. Maybe I need to get back to bullet journaling, or maybe I need to limit my time online. I don’t know.
