Nine Snowboots
Social Distancing Diaries: April 26
I was feeling pretty scattered and drained on Thursday and Friday. Part of it was everything that was going on here and in the world, part of it was the cumulative effect of several nights where I just couldn’t fall asleep quickly, even with the CPAP machine.
Doing what I can
Writing is hard.
Writing is particularly hard when you’re lost in your own head. It’s hard to get much of anything done in that state, but to have to put a coherent string of words together is particularly challenging, especially when you purport to represent your inner self in your writing.
Life is tiring, part LXXXVIII
My energy has been off for the past little while, and most of my free time usually involves me sleeping or wanting to be back home to sleep. I don’t know whether this is a side effect of my medication, some other underlying medical reason, or just another depressive spell. A lot of the time I don't want to do anything enough to endure the slightest bits of effort they take.
Letters (ghosts)
One:
I don't know if I've ever been in love, but this may be the closest thing to it I've ever experienced.
Two:
I worry that the ground shifted in our friendship; there is a distance between us that wasn't there.
Three:
I use the word attraction to describe whatever it was I began feeling about you, but I don't even know how accurate that word is for the mess I've found myself in.
Scatterbrain
It's only been a week and a half since my last post here but it feels like longer; as expected, I'm still adjusting to the new job. It's not so much the work itself as the small things: the disruption to my routine, learning policy and procedures, and getting used to new people. The last one is usually the most exhausting part.
Escalitopram
I finally decided to go to a walk-in clinic on November 23rd regarding my depression. This was a step I had been thinking about taking for a little while, but something in me held me back.