Social Distancing Diaries: April 26

I was feeling pretty scattered and drained on Thursday and Friday. Part of it was everything that was going on here and in the world, part of it was the cumulative effect of several nights where I just couldn’t fall asleep quickly, even with the CPAP machine. I had Friday off, though, so I made a pot roast in the slow cooker, bought a few groceries (though I had to wait until the all-clear was given because there was another report of possible gun-related incidents; thankfully this turned out to be nothing), and did laundry. I also decided to focus this weekend on doing things that made me happy or felt good; simple things like what I wore, or spending time laying on the couch in a sunbeam. That's helped somewhat.

I guess I’ve taken it for granted that the world that used to exist before this lockdown is gone now, maybe because I didn’t really go out into it that much before. When we can go outside again, I want to do some more photo shoots, including a new header image for this blog (the person in the picture looks a little different these days).

Cecily Strong from SNL wrote a very personal essay for Vulture about her cousin dying of a brain tumor and her new boyfriend coming down with coronavirus. It’s very good but also very sad; she also candidly talks about her own anxiety and depression, something I relate to pretty heavily. I wonder how many of the cast and writers, past and present, deal with these feelings; I know Melissa Villasenor’s talked a bit about her own mental health before. They seem like they would make for really interesting conversation partners; we’re all used to trying to deal with our lying brains and the darkness they inflict. I root for them.

I sometimes wish I had more to write about. There can only be so many posts about laying in bed, watching old sitcoms, or matching wills with the cat. There are a few things I’m still trying to figure out how to write about. Maybe i just want to remind people that I’m pretty fucking queer and feel better for having embraced it. Sometimes I just post for whatever validation I can get; Maybe that's how it's always been.

If I’m posting for validation, I may as well leave you an easy way to send some anonymously.