Checking in
/I owe a few people some e-mails, and there are countless other people I haven’t checked in on in a while, but I always have trouble getting started. I like e-mail for the personal touch and the space for sharing private thoughts and feelings (at least moreso than on social media); I tend not to feel comfortable using chat or DMs unless I know the person well. Eventually I figured I may as well send a group e-mail, but since there are people who I’m not sure I have up-to-date addresses for but may otherwise want to hear from me, I decided to turn it into a public blog post.
Hey everyone,
Sorry this isn’t a more personal e-mail, but I wanted to just say hi, give you all a bit of an update on things.
I’m doing alright. It’s a little disappointing that the uptick in COVID cases disrupted plans to visit family in New Brunswick next month, but what can you do? At least I finally have an appointment scheduled with the endocrinologist in the middle of the month; I’m not sure if the rising COVID case numbers are going to affect that, but it’s good to know that things are finally happening on the whole transition front. I’m excited to see what kind of changes happen whenever I officially start HRT, even if they’re gradual. I see all sorts of other gorgeous trans folk on my socials, and they continue to be a big inspiration to me. Actually, there are a lot of you whose general styles and aesthetics I admire (there can never be enough cute women/femmes with really short hair or shaved heads), but I digress.
It’s been kind of a mixed blessing transitioning during a pandemic; it’s given me more space to figure myself out, but I haven’t really spent a lot of time with other people as myself. It would be nice to hang out with other local queer folk sometime once we’re all able to do that again. When my work started letting more people in the office last summer, I was out to some people but still in “boy mode” in public; I think that was the final nudge to come all the way out last August. I probably should buy some more gender-affirming clothes again sometime, but I have enough outfits in the rotation for now.
I think the hardest part of lockdown for me is not really being able to run into people on the street anymore. It still happens from time to time, but since the pandemic hit Nova Scotia, I rarely dawdle anywhere. I know I’m not one for small talk (it’s the junk food of conversation; it tides you over for a bit but eventually you need something more substantial), but seeing people in the flesh, hearing their voices and experiencing their specific energies (for lack of a better word) goes a long way. I think that’s the main reason I went out to bars in the “before times”; the chance of running into people you haven’t seen in a little while.
Honestly, there are so many of you I wish I knew better, and there are so many others who I really need to check in with more.
Then again, I get overwhelmed in crowds, especially full of strangers, and prefer one on one hangouts. I did the semi-regular group gathering for my birthdays and Hali-versaries, but I think with those I wanted to just see as many people as I could at one time, and possibly get people I know from different places to connect with each other. I really relish the times when another person and I feel comfortable with each others’ weirdness, though.
I’ve been thinking about travel again, though I don’t see that being a priority for a little while even after (when?) COVID is mostly under control. Sometimes when I get bored I play around on Google Maps Street View and look up old neighborhoods, places I’ve been on vacation, or places I would like to visit one day. The pictures jog my memory somewhat, especially all the trips to the States where there were always the small but tangible differences on the mundane stuff like packaging. I haven’t been west of Lake Huron in over 20 years, and haven’t ever been to Newfoundland or west of Saskatchewan.
Well, that’s all I really have to say for now. I do love hearing from you even if they’re just brief words, and it’s always nice to see your faces.
Until next time,
Bronwyn
PS: I really do wonder how you are doing, especially if we know each other in real life or haven’t talked in a while. I think about a lot of you quite a bit. If you want to send me a little note to tell me how things are going, or if you just need to vent, fill out the form below. (It’s private, unlike comments)
