Social Distancing Diaries: April 15
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It’s hard to know what to write here these days. There really isn’t a whole lot distinguishing one day from another aside from whether I have to work or not, or days where I run errands.
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Self-care during the holidays
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I’m going to be going to my parents’ place in Miramichi for the holidays, and it’s something I both look forward to and dread. As good as it is to visit my family (as well as all their pets), there are so many things happening that I usually feel overwhelmed and stressed after a few days, and the combination of staying in a small house with four other adults and a general lack of privacy wears me out fairly quickly. When I was younger, the Christmas season was more exciting, but as an adult I just want to get through them as quickly as possible.
Through trial and error, I’ve found a few strategies that help me get through my visits.
Read MoreSleep or something like it
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Not much exciting going on these days; winter still has me mainly seeking warm apartments and minimizing time outside. The last few days brought a snow storm and freezing rain that turned my apartment building’s driveway into an impassable frozen hazard for a few hours, and this morning brought bitterly cold wind. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been so tired in the last little while.
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Windows
/I don't know if it's too soon for another life update; to be honest, I haven't been doing a whole lot since my birthday gathering and starting my new job at the beginning of April. If you don't really go on too many adventures or you stay inside your own head too much, it doesn't really make for interesting blog posts.
Read MoreScatterbrain
/It's only been a week and a half since my last post here but it feels like longer; as expected, I'm still adjusting to the new job. It's not so much the work itself as the small things: the disruption to my routine, learning policy and procedures, and getting used to new people. The last one is usually the most exhausting part.
Read More31 in 31: Day 6
/I've been up way too late all week. I've been napping more after work, and then trying to reclaim some of the lost productivity afterward; it's a bit of a backslide from being able to get to bed at around 11 pm for the last few weeks. I have to wake up at 6 in the morning to catch an early bus that I don't really need to take, and by the end of the day I'm usually in this fog of exhaustion.
I had a little more money than usual this week and have been spending too much on eating out. It may be a byproduct of my exhaustion, or I'm sick of what I can cook on my otherwise limited budget and culinary skills. I sometimes stop off at the liquor store to buy a single beer or cider; if I'm going to just have one, I don't really want to spend the money at a bar unless I'm there with another person. Of course, I end up not making plans with people because I don't think I can afford to, likely because I spent the money on the food and beer already. The cycle continues.
I've been having hypothetical conversations in my head. I catch myself making the gestures that go along with these conversations and wonder if some of the words are spilling out of my mouth.
First week
/I'm back among the ranks of the employed. It's another temp gig, but I'm glad to be earning money again instead of trying to make ends meet on EI (It's not fun).
Read MoreBollocks and poppycock
/I'm trying to make good on my intention to update this thing more often, but it's hard to be motivated to write when you're so exhausted.
Read More30 in 30: Day 4
/I probably should be getting better sleep than I do. When a friend told me that she's usually asleep by 10pm, I thought to myself "God, that's early". I joke that I still haven't adjusted to Atlantic time, but I don't think that excuse works over 15 years after you move east from the prairies. Maybe it's because I don't think I've gotten enough done in the time after I get home from work, or maybe it's the classic "fear of missing out", but it's normal for me to stay in the living room "working" until midnight, and then spending the next hour trying to unwind.
Unfortunately, I have to wake up at about 6:30 to get ready for work the next day. Due to the nature of my day job I can get by with a daily cup of coffee, but on days when I feel especially out of it, interacting with other people is something I try to avoid unless absolutely necessary or feel enough at ease with them. I wonder how much social I would be if I went to bed at a decent hour.
I've been thinking about a conceptual photography project. I'm fascinated by images that mark the passage of time, especially changes (both gradual and sudden) to the appearance of either a person or a landscape. A drastic haircut, a new sign, the processes of aging, rebuilding, and renewal. I wonder how I could execute this.
There’s a podcast called The Loudest Girl In The World, hosted by Lauren Ober. The show concerns Ober’s autism diagnosis at 42, as well as her experience dealing with this information and opening up to others about it. When I listened to it last summer, I related pretty heavily to what she was talking about. I’ve also started to make peace with how my own brain works in the last few years. It’s been a rough road, though.