Nine Snowboots
Two coffee day
This week seemingly went by pretty fast, at least compared to last week, but I was pretty tired for most of the day (even after a second coffee); I went home immediately after work, and crashed for two hours after I got in the apartment. I know I don’t get enough sleep most nights, but this morning I had more trouble getting started than usual.
I took a break from social media, and all I got was a backache
My job gives me a day off every third Friday, and last week was my three-day weekend. I didn’t have any specific plans (I rarely do), but by the time I hit Thursday, I had no interest in doing anything besides staying in, locking down, cuddling my cat and watching TV.
You tell me things
Before I begin, I want to thank everyone who read my previous blog post. This was something I had wanted to write for a long time, and the most personal thing I’ve ever shared here.
Out
Today is National Coming Out Day. If you’ve read some of my other personal entries or my social media (particularly the one about my New York trip last June), you’d probably know this already, but today’s as good as any to stand up and be counted.
Alonezy, or the luxury of quiet
I haven’t felt especially social lately; it’s been well over a month since I’ve gone to Charlie’s for beers, and whenever I have large blocks of time to myself, as I did on the Labour Day weekend, I took advantage of not having to do anything, see anyone or anything like that.
A million things to do, a million other places to go
I finally updated the site to have a general "home" page whenever people visit using just the domain name; as much as I liked tricking people who mainly come here for the SNL reviews into reading some of my personal writing, I wanted to make a better first impression.
I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something...
My brain is weird sometimes. I guess that's a truism when you're prone to depression, anxiety, or just occupy the space outside optimal mental health or sociability, but lately I'm in a space where I'm craving both rest and distraction at the same time.
Life update: August 2018
For a long time, it had just been too humid to write. I know it sounds like a weak excuse, but when the weather's like this, I feel it starts to manifest in my whole body and thought process. The air becomes a soup that slows my every movement and I want to stay in bed, exerting minimal effort.
New York travel diaries
Author's note: The following blog post is compiled from my diary entries from my trip to New York on June 22-25, 2018. Some material has been omitted or edited for clarity, and some details were not reported on chronologically (i.e. I talk about things I did on previous days in later entries). Photos indicate the start of a new entry.
Reader poll
I'm a little tired of talking about myself these days, and I want to find out more about you than what my analytics tell me. Please feel free to complete this form; only the questions with asterisks (*) are required.
I feel what I feel
There's this unspoken pressure to put a happy face on everything, to turn the negative into a positive, or to find the lesson. The reality is that there are times when life really sucks, and the only appropriate response is to acknowledge the validity of your own feelings.
Windows
I don't know if it's too soon for another life update; to be honest, I haven't been doing a whole lot since my birthday gathering and starting my new job at the beginning of April. If you don't really go on too many adventures or you stay inside your own head too much, it doesn't really make for interesting blog posts.
Letters (ghosts)
One:
I don't know if I've ever been in love, but this may be the closest thing to it I've ever experienced.
Two:
I worry that the ground shifted in our friendship; there is a distance between us that wasn't there.
Three:
I use the word attraction to describe whatever it was I began feeling about you, but I don't even know how accurate that word is for the mess I've found myself in.
Going to NYC again
I didn't mention this in the last entry because I didn't think it really fit the whole topic, but I'm going to New York again at the end of June. It's another weekend trip for Pride with my sisters (just like the last time I went), but I'm going to try to squeeze a bit more exploring into the time I'm there.
Scatterbrain
It's only been a week and a half since my last post here but it feels like longer; as expected, I'm still adjusting to the new job. It's not so much the work itself as the small things: the disruption to my routine, learning policy and procedures, and getting used to new people. The last one is usually the most exhausting part.
Hi, it's been a while
I apologize for not writing in here for a few weeks, and on personal (ie. non-dream, non-abstract thoughts) matters for even longer. My plan to write in a cafe at the same time each week hit a snag mid-month, partially due to bad weather, partially due to boredom with the routine, and partially due to energy levels.
Behind the lens
I haven't taken pictures in a while; I want to get back into it as a hobby. I don't want to have any expectations to meet, just a chance to play around, possibly with friends, and get comfortable with the camera and my own skills that I don't feel like I'm struggling to juggle the need to think technically and be aware of the right moment to capture the shot. I rush to get through my discomfort and it shows in the pictures. I eventually would like to get some new gear, but before I do that, I want to feel like I've mastered working with the stuff I have.
A strange dream I just had
I'm trying to write down the various dreams I've been having lately. The images are sometimes so vivid and I don't want them to dissipate back into my subconscious, but if there's an emotional aspect, I also want to keep track of that. I actually just had one such dream this evening during a nap: