The mid-January blahs

Two weeks into 2020. I’m exhausted.

It’s not just the news cycle, even if everything about Australia, Iran, Trump, Putin, and the Democratic primaries made these two weeks seem like years in themselves. Winter’s always triggered my depression and this year is no different; it also doesn’t help that I caught a bit of a cold last week. Sure, there are always the SAD lamps at the library, but most days I just want to get through the day with as little social interaction as possible, go home from work immediately, and hope that I have enough energy to make dinner and do something I enjoy, let alone write a new blog post.

Something about the holiday season always wipes me out too. It's nice to see the family every year, but sometimes I feel crowded out among everyone's different personalities and the noisier pets, and by the time I get home to Halifax, it's almost as if I need to overcompensate for the lack of space. Sometimes it makes sociability feel even more like an obligation.

It sucks. There are people I want to be making some concrete plans to hang out with soon, but my brain isn't in that space at the moment. I know of things that will boost my mood temporarily, but tend to lie in bed mentally imagining myself doing them more often than I actually force my body to go about the actions involved. I have people who are only a text away, if only my mind would come up with the words to write.

I'm taking my meds as well as the odd vitamin supplement, and occasionally doing things that will boost my mood, even if it is something small such as a fresh shave or watching something like Schitt's Creek. I’m also trying to slow down whenever I notice that I’m getting too worried about the self-imposed deadlines I keep for content on this site (by the way, I’m going to be a little late with my next SCTV review).

I try not to consume too much of the news cycle, but sometimes I can’t help myself. I am pretty tired of being constantly scared and depressed about the state of the world; a lot of the time I just want to shut my brain off for the night and sleep. Ironically, my body never seems to really get this message during work nights, and I tend to sleep away more of the weekend. For some reason I’m having a lot of dreams where I’m forced to relocate to another city against my will, despite the fact that I have obligations and a job here.

I sometimes check out past posts if I want to see whether I've already written about a specific topic, and noticed how often I tend to have this kind of post every January. I suspected there was a pattern. Maybe there’s something else under it, but I’m not sure. For now, it's something I just have to endure, like a crowded bus ride.